I still remember the exact moment it hit me. I was standing in the grocery store aisle, staring at a shelf of cereal, when a wave of sadness knocked the breath out of me. Nothing dramatic had happened right then. No phone call. No news. Just grief, showing up uninvited in the most ordinary place.
At the time, I kept wondering, “Am I grieving the right way?” I’d heard about the stages of grief, but my experience didn’t feel neat or organized. It felt messy, confusing, and deeply personal. Over time, though, I learned that grief isn’t something you “complete.” It’s something you learn to carry.
If you’re here because you’re grieving—or supporting someone who is—I want to talk to you like a friend. No clinical jargon. No timelines. Just honesty.
What Are the Stages of Grief, Really?
Most people are familiar with the five stages of grief, originally described by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. They’re often used to explain emotional responses to loss, whether that loss is a loved one, a relationship, a job, or even a version of yourself.
The stages are:
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Denial
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Anger
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Bargaining
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Depression
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Acceptance
Here’s the part I wish I’d known sooner: these stages aren’t linear. You don’t move through them in order. You don’t “graduate” from one to the next. You might bounce between them, skip some, or revisit others years later.
And that’s normal.
Stage 1: Denial — “This Can’t Be Real”
Denial gets a bad reputation, but I’ve come to see it as a protective pause. When loss first hits, the mind sometimes refuses to fully accept it.
I remember thinking things like:
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“This feels like a bad dream.”
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“Maybe I misunderstood.”
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“I’ll wake up and everything will be fine.”
Denial doesn’t mean you’re weak or avoiding reality. It’s your brain saying, “This is too much right now.”
My personal tip
Don’t rush yourself out of denial. Let it soften naturally. Journaling helped me gently acknowledge what was happening without overwhelming myself.
Stage 2: Anger — “Why Did This Happen?”
Anger surprised me. I didn’t think I was an “angry griever,” but there it was—sharp, unpredictable, and sometimes misplaced.
I was angry at:
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The situation
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Other people who seemed happy
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Myself for things I couldn’t change
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Even the person I lost
This stage can bring irritability, resentment, and a short fuse. It’s not pretty, but it’s honest.
Why anger matters
Anger often masks pain. It gives grief somewhere to go when sadness feels too heavy to hold on its own.
Stage 3: Bargaining — “If Only…”
Bargaining lives in the world of what ifs. It’s full of mental rewrites and quiet deals we make with the universe.
Thoughts like:
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“If only I had said something sooner.”
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“If I had done things differently…”
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“I’d do anything to go back.”
I spent a lot of time replaying moments, convincing myself that control was just one decision away. Looking back, I see this stage as an attempt to regain stability after loss shakes your sense of safety.
A gentle reminder
You did the best you could with what you knew at the time. Be kind to that version of yourself.
Stage 4: Depression — Sitting With the Loss
This is the stage most people associate with grief, and for good reason. It’s heavy. Quiet. Exhausting.
For me, depression didn’t always look like constant crying. Sometimes it looked like:
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Lack of motivation
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Feeling numb
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Wanting to withdraw
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Trouble sleeping
This stage isn’t about “being sad.” It’s about feeling the weight of reality without buffers.
My second personal tip
During this phase, I stopped trying to “cheer myself up.” Instead, I focused on small comforts—warm showers, familiar music, short walks. Healing didn’t come from fixing the pain, but from allowing it.
If grief starts interfering with daily life for a long time, grief counseling or mental health support can be incredibly helpful. Asking for help is not failure.
Stage 5: Acceptance — Making Peace, Not Forgetting
Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re okay with the loss. It doesn’t mean you’re over it.
For me, acceptance looked like:
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Fewer “why” questions
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More emotional balance
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Learning how to live with the loss
Some days still hurt. Certain dates still sting. But acceptance is where grief becomes part of your story, not the whole thing.
What acceptance really is
It’s not happiness.
It’s not closure.
It’s learning how to move forward without erasing what mattered.
Common Myths About the Stages of Grief
Let’s clear up a few things I believed—and wish I hadn’t.
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Myth: You go through each stage once
Truth: Grief cycles and loops -
Myth: Acceptance means you’re done grieving
Truth: Grief evolves, it doesn’t disappear -
Myth: There’s a right way to grieve
Truth: Your way is the right way
Understanding these myths helped me stop judging myself during the healing process.
Grief Doesn’t Only Come From Death
One thing that surprised me most was realizing how many kinds of loss trigger grief.
You might grieve after:
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A breakup or divorce
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Losing a job or career identity
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A health diagnosis
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Losing a friendship
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Big life transitions
The emotional journey can look very similar, even if the loss is invisible to others.
How Long Do the Stages of Grief Last?
This is one of the most common questions—and the hardest to answer.
There is no timeline.
Some people feel intense grief for months. Others for years. Some feel okay and then get hit out of nowhere. Anniversaries, smells, songs, or random moments can reopen old feelings.
Grief doesn’t follow a schedule, and comparing your journey to someone else’s usually leads to frustration.
What Helped Me Cope Along the Way
Everyone’s healing process is different, but a few things made a real difference for me:
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Talking openly instead of bottling things up
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Letting emotions come without labeling them as “good” or “bad”
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Creating small routines when everything felt unstable
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Reading about grief to feel less alone
Most importantly, I learned to give myself grace on hard days.
Final Thoughts on the Stages of Grief
If there’s one thing I hope you take from this, it’s this: grief is not a problem to solve. It’s a human response to love, loss, and connection.
The stages of grief aren’t rules. They’re signposts. They help us understand what we might feel, but they don’t define how we should feel.
